son of a bitch

this is joseph's favorite phrase, and he will whip it out at the slightest provocation. he raised the maternal conjecture most recently this afternoon when he received a ticket in the mail from the dot. reportedly, joseph is in the habit of flicking expired cigarettes out the window of his car while driving and a short time ago some public-minded citizen observed such an incident. this zealous person copied down joseph's tags, contacted the authorities, and filed a complaint. josephs intends to fight the charge however, and has asked me to recommend a good lawyer. i have no idea why he thinks i would know this information, but i conjectured that triangle area lawyers were no good, and urged him to exercise his 28th amendment right to trial by combat.

the hand that feeds

gosling came by just now claiming that he had a way to lower the electricity bill each month. my initial thought was that he had at last discovered the binary nature of light switches and that he had come to share his intellectual breakthrough. turns out he wanted me to lie to the government instead. allegedly, the welfare office will cover utility bills if a certain percentage of the tenants in an apartment are enrolled in the program. gosling wanted me to write them a letter declaring my intention to vacate so that the house would qualify. so for fifteen dollars a month, he is not only willing to defraud the organization that pays for his food, shelter, and nearly all his other sundry expenses, but also to ask me, someone he consistently steals from, to act as an accessory to further theft.

...

yesterday, i met a girl who asked me to call her susannarchy.

a sympathetic ear

i had an odd experience today. a woman, in a state verging on hysteria, came by and demanded to speak with joseph. i could see that she was put out, so rather than mincing words, i went to fetch him straightaway. reportedly she had come by the previous evening and been treated quite rudely by hormone. he had shouted at her and threatened to call the police if she did not leave, which, i thought to myself, was pretty reasonable behavior considering that she came by at four am and hammered on the door until someone answered. she was here today because she wanted joseph to castigate hormone so that his disrespect would not be repeated. he assured her that he would, then gave her one of his cigarettes (which is what she wanted from him last night), and she left mollified.

i, meanwhile, stood transfixed in the kitchen, drinking in her lack of self-awareness. i hadn't thought it possible, but it seems that i can still be shocked by the behavior of others. and so it was there in the kitchen that joseph found me, vulnerable and alone, and decided that mine was a sympathetic ear. "i don't even know her that well, man," he said before i could edge past him. "she just came over one time so i could show her my tarantula." i offered a silent prayer that "my tarantula" was not a euphemistic phrase, and in that moment, my window of escape closed. so i sat and listened for a time while joseph monologued about the boorishness of others.

the irony was exquisite.

wouldn't you know it

ok well that didn't last long. here i am, less than a week after telling joseph (emphatically and with an amount of profanity) that i am not gonna lend him any goddamn money when wouldn't you know it he asks for a loan. a portion at least of my tirade percolated with him, because he made sure to mention that my light was on before making the late-night request, but it appears that he dodged the main thrust.

it's amazing really. the number on his welfare check is the same each month, but somehow he manages to consistently run out of money. he smokes expansively and drinks a rum and coke each evening. he even gambles (poorly), but he is always surprised when the cash dries up.

what's that socrates said about the unexamined life?