crushing

well, it seems that joseph was lying. he, in fact, did know her very well, man, and it's looking increasingly likely that "my tarantula" is what he calls his penis. you see, she and he have, at some point in the past, become intimate. the horror of this situation (and in particular it's progressive aspect) is partially allayed by the sense of catharsis i feel now that i know where the 35 dollars are going. she is a lady of discriminating taste, and so joseph (whose paper route brings in barely enough green to keep vacuum-sealed biscuits on the table) has to borrow money to show her a good time. because no one in the house will lend to him, he has started taking a collection plate with him when he proselytizes on campus. surprisingly, most graduate students and hospital staff are unwilling to pay for sweaty exhortations to join the mormon faith, and so he has resorted to selling his empty food stamp cards to our neighbors and then hiding in his room when they, having discovered his ruse, come by and threaten to shoot him.

i'm not too worried about that though because if he continues to see this girl, he'll be dead long before they can find him. jospeh possesses both the physique and the general demeanor of a more sedentary than average tree sloth. so unhealthy is this man that i believe a sustained erection would prove fatal. i hope, for her sake, that she is cognizant of this, because no series of paid-for meals at wendy's is worth undergoing peine forte et dure.